I am going in for an elective surgery on Wednesday morning. I will admit, although I am excited about the procedure, I am also a bit nervous and scared. When I was two I had a traumatic surgical experience. So, as I approach this new surgery I have been clearing and healing the remaining ick from way back when.
I have spent the last 7 years really finding my true self, learning to rely on myself and trust me. Sometimes instead of being a grounded, authentic self place of strength I find myself putting the steel rod up my spine, making myself as strong as possible, because I can take anything and no one can knock me down.
As I approach Wednesday and other challenges in my life, I’ve realized I am doing myself a disservice when I “steel” myself. I push others away, I don’t allow them to support me or accept them on their offers to lean in.
So many of my loved ones and friends have offered me love and support around my surgery and recovery. This has been hard for me to let in. It truly has. I’ll admit I have walls up and I find it hard to bring them down and be fully vulnerable with those who are the closest to me. Many of you might find this surprising because of how much I share on here. But to be truly vulnerable with those nearest and dearest to my heart still scares me.
So for all of you who have offered TLC, meals, rides for my kids and just overall support, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I truly hear the sincerity of these offers and they warm my soul. Please know I am working on letting myself be vulnerable and accepting this help.
But most importantly, please know I feel the loving place from which these offers are being made. This truly means the world to me and I feel truly loved.
Joanne wrote a newsletter article years ago and I have referenced it here before about sitting on the ledge with someone, just letting them know you are there.
This is what I feel from all these offers and love. My loved ones and friends are offering to sit next to me as I go through this surgery and recovery period.
They are sitting right next to me on the beach, my special place.